Turkish Negotiation is The Art of Compliments
After my argument with Zeki, I got my hair done in Sultanhamet to refresh and think things over. My friend, Gurhan suggested some Turkish Negotiation is in order. Turkish talk is the Art of Compliments. He said I would be able to handle most situations by using the Art of Compliments. Offering tea helps a lot too.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.
But, words do hurt.
Offer Tea and a Compliment
Turkish Negotiate The Art of Compliments
Here is how and why I overcame words that hurt while I was traveling, By the way, this is useful at home.
Turkish Negotiation Helped Me Slow Down
My friend Gurhan works with his partners at a travel agency called Anas Crecca Travel.
- Only use them if they work for you.
- Do a search, and then you can reach them on Skype.
- They only do packaged tours in Istanbul.
Turkish Negotiation starts with a compliment. Next, it’s a slow-paced conversation, slower than my pace and my American style.
Gurhan complimented my hair. He insisted that I looked great. I explained it was all because of him. The salon gals he introduced me to did a fantastic job on my hair at their hair salon. I returned the compliment to him and thanked him.
Get to the Point and Solve the Problem
The argument at the shop was bugging me. We had to get it resolved. I explained to Gurhan what had happened (read A Conflict at the Shop for more details). Gurhan told me I was like a sister to him, and he would go with me to have a cup of tea with Moses to discuss the problem. We did this the next day.
After our conversation, we took lots of pictures of Gurhan.
We had to get the perfect selfie or ‘usie.’ Gurhan and I went to the front of the shop and took some more photos. We had to take another one! Doesn’t my hair look great?
(Taken with Lumia Selfie for our close-up)
Let It Go
By now, I wasn’t worried about Zeki, Moses’ reaction, or the disagreement. Nothing bothered me because it had happened, and it was over just that fast. Maybe, Zeki didn’t want me there. I mean, by this that maybe Zeki didn’t want to be working there. From my point of view here was no reason, why this happened. It just happened. Chalk it up to a bad day.
OK, I was learning a new rhythm, a little slower and more accepting.
Just think of it as a ‘little Turkish drama” and consider how to get rid of the show.
The Steps to Turkish Negotiation
Here are the steps for Turkish Negotiation. It makes travel easier with the right attitude. I believe women are great at giving and receiving help.
- Slow down
- Give a compliment
- Accept the compliment
- Return the compliment
- Share a common experience
- Come up with a plan
- Have a cup of tea and make light conversation
- Be empathetic
- Validate the concern
- Don’t second-guess someone else’s motives
- Think about your motives
- Focus on the solution, not the problem
Whenever I travel or join a new group, I have phases that I go through: Forming, storming, norming, and eventually, establish equilibrium.
As soon as Gurhan sat down for tea with Moses, the disagreement was over
Turkish Negotiation works when I travel or at home. These steps help keep my trip positive through the good and the bad. I try to turn problems into a solution. Problems happen when you travel – how you handle problems determines if the memories are good or bad.
Turkish Negotiation — Practice Makes Perfect
Here are some examples of how I tried to use Turkish Negotiation at the Bazaar. Maybe you can think of places that this might work for you when you travel or practice at home.
Turkish Negotiation to make a smoke-free zone
- First get to know the other person. Have a cup of tea.
- Let time goes by.
- I taught them funny English words.
- Then I asked them to stop smoking in front of the stores because customers didn’t like it.
- “Please, here is an ashtray, please want to use an ashtray.”
- They didn’t stop smoking.
- The men just didn’t smoke near me. Good compromise.
Turkish Negotiation to recycle
- I followed the same steps as before and then asked the question.
- “Please don’t throw cigarette butts in the storm drain. It will stay there forever. Here is an ashtray; it’s my gift to you.”
- Nope, that didn’t work.
Recycling is more of a Seattleites concept. The only difference is that in Seattle, people probably wouldn’t ask someone to recycle. It would be more passive. My Turkish-Kate asked only after the people got to know me better. For Turkish Negotiation to work, I have to build a relationship first. Turkish Negotiation is a lot like the book by Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence Others.
Honestly, the Turkish guys could care less about not smoking in front of the stores or recycling. Turks like doing things their way. They love smoking. The Turkish people I met, thought I was strange to ask them not to smoke and to recycle. No smoking is a terribly hard concept for Turkish men to grasp.
They were tolerant, patient and accepted me. I also appreciated the men I met.
Change isn’t easy.
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